Dealing with Dementia: Part 2

Everyday was hard. But it must have been harder from him. Everything changed so fast that it felt like as if there was not enough time to accept reality. 

What really put me off was how much he struggled to do simple things. It was hard for him to understand when I asked him what he wanted to eat. He couldn't make choices. He found it hard to say all that he wished to speak. When something seemed wrong or tense, he could not fully express himself.

Often after a tiring day at work, I used to get irritated at this. Transient moments of anger followed by guilt was part and parcel of each day. 

Why was Dad not staying away from door? What if he wanders? Why can't he simply listen to me? Am I not doing all of this for his own good?

A vaguely familiar set of questions don't you think? Questions which our parents asked themselves everyday thoroughout our naughty and  hasty childhood. How each action of ours was in purposeful contradiction to what they intended. Yet, if you recall, they mostly dealt with us patiently. That realisation hit me quite hard. All that I had to do was put up with a less naughtier and less irritating version of me. Just that. And If I couldn't do that, what's even the point of everything that he had given up for me?

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Accepting the new normal sucks. Covid taught us that. Caregivers of family members with dementia learn that on a daily basis. 

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What we really needed to do was to identify a support system. We as a family put some effort and simplified things. My aunt and brother came home to help us out whenever needed. Close family friends understood what we were going through and checked up on us regularly. Nosy friends and irritating acquaintances (hoping to get an interesting story to gossip about in their own circles) often tried to enquire about his health. The fakeness was quite obvious.  It was important to identify them and avoid contact. Even a tiny whiff of negativity was clearly unwarranted. 

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We arranged the house such that he won't get hurt accidentally near sharp corners or electrical appliances.

Disinfectants and dangerous liquids were put away.

Mom took the time to curate a list of his favourite movies and old video songs on YouTube and Dad used to watch them with her while eating. He used to laugh, smile and even nod when familiar actors came on screen. 

We made his favourite dishes. He loved Black coffee but never asked for it. So i used to make one every day and he used to silently gulp it down. 

I used to call my friends to vent out after a bad day at work before I reach home so that I don't channel any of that anger on Dad.

It took us a few months but at the end of it, we had a beautiful routine revolving around keeping Dad in a good mental space; Keeping him as less frustrated as possible while also taking care of his daily needs.

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To sum it up

1. Find your support system.

2. Baby proof your surroundings.

3. Identify what he/she likes and prefers and use that to guide them through the day.

And always, a little bit of faith and a little of trust in whatever God/Force/Law you believe in. As in the end, all that we really want is some peace of mind. Isn't it?

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More to follow soon as we will be looking at  specific aspects of Dementia and how to tackle them.